It was a pretty average Monday, not so different from any other when I was sitting on the couch and hubs casually turned to me and said, “oh, by the way, I promised to give the jolly jumper to my cousin.”
My world started spinning.
The jolly jumper that I had purchased for Sawyer when I was supposed to be having my rare “me time” but found myself at Babies R Us?
The one thing I lugged home on the bus proudly knowing I had chosen for him and bought it myself (compared to all the other things that were given to us)?
The jolly jumper that I had watched all three of my kids have endless hours of wonder and fun in?
The Jolly Jumper that inspired our family’s first ever sibling moment?
I could a lump in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes over something he thought was “no big deal”.
I don’t know how many of you have gone through this, and I have definitely seen the other side of it where parents gleefully give away their baby stuff, the act becoming a symbol of their newfound freedom. Not for me.
Don’t get me wrong. I have probably given away a baby’s worth of stuff (or two) since I have such great family and friends and was literally showered with gifts (especially clothing) much of which we never got to use. And with the twins stuff, since we had most things times two I could give away half and not really worry about it.
I suppose I knew this moment would come. Part of it realizing that the kids are growing up and not babies any more, but also the realization that we will not have any more kids. Unsurprisingly, I am not coping with it very well. I cannot seem to accept either of those facts and I am not sure how or when I will be able to. I have even had this discussion with hubs that I have to at least pretend in my mind because if I looked at the twins milestones as the last “first” it would break my heart.
So back to the Jolly Jumper. I agreed to give it away, knowing how happy it would make little baby James. To my surprise, his cousin actually gave me a $25 card for Tim Horton’s which definitely softened the blow. But still I feel like this cloud is lingering over my head. Yes, ignorance is bliss, but I won’t be able to pretend forever and then what will I do?
So to start I figured I’d write about it to show others they are not the only one and to selfishly solicit advice from my wonderful readers ;-)
So what’s your take on it? Have you gone through this yourself? Do you have any tips for me?