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Sexy Saturdays

Sexy Saturdays: First comes love, then comes marriage…

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There is a reason why you don’t see too many wedding cake toppers that look like this. It’s because there is an understood order to life. You date, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after.

Nowadays, society is much more forgiving. You can live with someone without being married to them, you can choose your career over a family, you can marry someone the same sex as you. But, the old stigmas still linger, or at least I think they do.

You see, I am not married. I have lived my life in a way I would have never planned, but sure glad I did.

I was in university for seven years to get my honours BA and my MA and I paid for that education myself. This meant that when I graduated at 25 I was just entering life as an adult, when just a generation before me I’d probably have been married with at least one child.

I dated for a while and luckily I met Jeff before I went too crazy. Neither of us were sure it would last but it did.

We had never even spoken of marriage when we decided to move in together. We both agreed you live together first (which I think is pretty common). At the time, we had been together a couple of years (my longest relationship by a couple of years LOL) and our families approved.

After living together for a while we got a dog, then a cat, then another dog. We both changed jobs a couple of times and moved to a bigger place, everything was great.

Then, all of a sudden, I realized I was about to be thirty and my biological clock was ticking (my mom started menopause when she was forty). Up to that point I hadn’t given kids a second thought, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted any.

Then one day I did.

So, either we could start trying and saving for a house or we could start saving for a wedding and start trying in a couple of years. We both agreed having a baby together is a greater commitment than some words said in a ceremony (no offence). So we started our family.

We get asked a lot (mostly by relatives) if we ever will get married. We would both like to get married someday. But like it or not, weddings cost money and we have a list of priorities that come above it.

It’s funny. While I am proud of my decision I often find myself refering to Jeff as my husband to strangers, lest I be judged. I wear the ring he gave me as a birthday gift on my ring finger even though it’s not even close to a wedding ring. I don’t care what people think, and I know we made the right decision but there will always be that awkward silence when people see we have different last names or the frustration we have had with our income taxes (no we are not common law, I want a real wedding damn it! LOL).

Ironically, while writing this post Today’s Parent actually published an article about all the unmarried celebs who have kids together. It’s like they read my mind.  Except that celebs don’t usually care about fitting into the status quo. Unlike me, they can afford a wedding so I am not sure what their reasons are (oops babies, protection of assets etc.)

So what do you think? Am I just being paranoid or does society still expect people to take the traditional route? Is there anyone else out there who did things in a way they didn’t expect?

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About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

11 thoughts on “Sexy Saturdays: First comes love, then comes marriage…

  1. I did two things I said I never would…get married and have babies!

    I don’t see a problem with calling him your husband. He is in all senses of the word, you just didn’t have the party to celebrate it! You are committed to each other that what counts.

    Posted by linbritt | June 8, 2013, 1:28 pm
  2. I never expected to do things the way that I did but I do have traditional values drilled in to my by the father, Who happens to be a hypocrite. More the type of man to say.. “Do as I say not as I do”
    At 19 I met my husband, at 19 and a half we moved in together, at 20 we got engaged at 21 we got married at 25 we had a baby.
    I don’t think I could ever marry someone without living together first. You find out so much more about the person from living with them.
    I think it all depends on the country in which you live. For example, In the UK where I’m from it’s normal to have children without living together, without being married, it’s ok to be a single mum, it acceptable.
    Here in Poland where I live, nothing but Marriage, living together and children is accepted. Tradition or religion.. A bit of both I think.

    Posted by journey2dfuture | June 8, 2013, 1:30 pm
    • Thanks for the global view. Wow, I can’t imagine being married so young. Good for you. Heck, I was a virgin until my mid twenties (tmi) LOL Here in Canada a lot of people find themselves older because it takes longer to finish school and find a job before you are thinking about relationships and marriage. 25 for your first is a great age 🙂

      Posted by Shannon | June 8, 2013, 2:13 pm
      • I left school at 15 and went in to full time work plus part time work, hard to believe ive been working full time for the last 10Years !!! Wow.
        I think any way you choose to do it is right. No one should judge. I never expected to get married its only a ‘Peice of paper’ i converted to the catholic faith when i was 20 and marriage now means so much more..

        Posted by journey2dfuture | June 8, 2013, 4:46 pm
      • *part time collage

        Posted by journey2dfuture | June 8, 2013, 4:47 pm
      • Thanks! I started working full time at 16 myself (well 35+ hours a week). That’s how I paid for university (7 years is a lot of hours at minimum wage). I worked all through school and two jobs over the summer. I was so career oriented, I never would have guessed I wouldn’t even miss it once I had kids 🙂

        Posted by Shannon | June 8, 2013, 6:09 pm
  3. I am living with my best friend and soulmate. We have known each other for 13 years. I have two children from a previous marriage and we both agree that we do not need a wedding to have a marriage. We would rather start our lives together then have a wedding. I am also a member of a Christiani church so I see a lot of the arguments against. It boils down to whatever feels right for you and your husband. No one has to live with your decision except you. 🙂

    Posted by goddesslyv | June 8, 2013, 1:49 pm
  4. When we did the legal thing (at the courthouse) it was only because I wanted his last name. The commitment was already there. 😉 I didn’t grow up dreaming of a big wedding the way many do. Being in front of all those people wouldn’t have been enjoyable for me. Of course, I do love attending weddings if that what the couple wants. 🙂

    Posted by Valerie | June 8, 2013, 9:10 pm
    • I am glad I am not the only one not dreaming of big weddings. I mean sure if I was rich yeah, but otherwise it’s just not worth it for one day (spoken like a true frugal mommy). Having his last name would be nice though since I do find it kinda weird my kids don’t have the same last name as me. Thanks for the comment.

      Posted by Shannon | June 8, 2013, 9:57 pm

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