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PROJECT ME, Twins/Toddler Tuesday

It’s Called Terrible 2s and 3s Because F*ck#ng Awful Doesn’t Start With “T”

photo-4I was so ready for the terrible twos, I read books, talked to people and waited…and waited.  They never came, two was actually a great age (to read about it click here).  Then, here I was thinking I everything was great, all under control, and then once three hit, it all fell apart.

Today was not a good day.  Okay, that isn’t true. The first part wasn’t terrible, more routine (mind you my routine has become pretty difficult lately).  Then, I got some bad news.  Suffice it to say I was not in a good mood.

But, when you are a mom, the show must go on. No time to wallow or be upset.

Sawyer wanted to play with his friends, so I decided to talk the dogs early (it is now getting dark by 5pm so if we wait it is too dark and cold for him to play outside).  We were walking down the street looking at Halloween decorations when Sansa got fussy.  I bent over to give her a toy and Sawyer unclipped my dog Jessie from my waist.  She immediately took off, and there was nothing I could do.  I couldn’t chase after her with the double stroller, him and my other dog.  She was gone, and I was left standing there looking at him in disbelief at what he did.  Do I yell at him?  Try to punish him?  All I could do was look at him and say, “I am so disappointed in you” (which was probably a waste anyways because I don’t think he really understands what that means).

This incident was the epitome of what three has been like so far.  He knew that she would run away and not come back when he unhooked her leash, and it was no accident.  He unclipped her on purpose.  She is still missing, and I am still beside myself. We were supposed to carve the pumpkin for Halloween tomorrow.  Now there is no pumpkin carving and Sawyer will not be going trick-or-treating (partly because hubs has to work, but partly because neither of us are in any mood right now).

I am mad at him for what he did, but I do know that while he knew he was setting her 1341768258741_4059261free, he doesn’t understand the ramifications, that she could get hit by a car, or just disappear and we will never see her again.  I am petrified something bad will happen to her and then I will have to try to resolve the fact that my son caused my dog’s death.

In my life I have never settled for second place.   I have always been above average in everything I do, and if I am not I don’t stop until I am.  But lately, with him, I feel like I am failing, or at the very least average.  I go out of my way to give him an amazing life and he is always getting into trouble, never listening to anything I say.

I admit, I am a bit lax on punishments, since I have never really had to punish him much, but lately I have gotten better.  If he hits or kicks one of the babies, or he hurts the dogs he goes to his room to “think about what he did”.

I think he knows how to push my buttons too, which doesn’t help.  The other day we were out walking and he said he felt like I had been yelling at him all day, meanwhile here I was thinking how he had been acting like such a bad boy all day.

I am sure it is just a phase, but I can’t help longing for all the great times we had over the summer together, wishing he would still me that lovely little boy.  He is growing up. Too fast in fact.  He is so big (size 4 clothes, size 12 shoes) and he is so smart (he has an amazing vocabulary, can count to 10 and even write letters himself) I often have to remind myself that my expectations of him may be too great, he is not even three and a half years old.

Then there are the twins.  I try not to compare, but they are nine months old and such sweet little babies.  What you see is what you get with them.  Sure, they require a lot of work, but I know exactly what to do.  With Sawyer, nothing I try seems to get the outcomes I want. I am a very logical person, and nothing he does is logical. Does not compute!

So why am I writing about all of this?  Well, firstly because I am trying not to think about the fact that it is late and dark and my dog is still missing.  Secondly, because there may be others going through this and I want you to know you are not alone. It’s easy to feel ashamed or like a failure when everything you do seems to be wrong, but you are not.  I know at the end of the day I am a good mother, and that at some point I will be able to look back at this and laugh, its just not soon enough!

threenagerIn the meantime I will continue reading, researching, and talking to people about what I can do to cope with his shenanigans.  That and reminding myself that I am going back to work full-time soon (which I really need, and what I think part of the problem is, that I have been off for almost eleven months). At least I am back on the vitex LOL.

My little threenager.

UPDATE: We got Jessie back a few hours later. She was injured, but she’ll be okay. We carved our pumpkin the next day and Sawyer went trick-or-treating after all. But, I wanted to leave this post because although I wrote it in the heat of the moment, it is Real and sometimes people need to see that life isn’t always the rosy pictures we write about in social media. Cheers!

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About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

9 thoughts on “It’s Called Terrible 2s and 3s Because F*ck#ng Awful Doesn’t Start With “T”

  1. Oh boy.. Best of luck to you during this phase!! This reminds me of something my neighbor said to me once when I was upset at my three year son (for what I don’t even remember) She said that whoever coined the phrase terrible twos never let their kid live to see three lol.. Kind of like what the second picture depicts 😉

    Posted by ninjasinstitches | November 19, 2013, 9:37 am
  2. Oh, dear. I have long said that 3 year olds are hellions. MUCH MUCH worse than 2. I knew this from my nanny days, and I often tell my parents I’m shipping Evie to them when she turns 3, and I’ll take her back when she’s 4. May patience find its way to you.

    Posted by Lindsay | November 19, 2013, 12:54 pm
  3. I was so pleased to read at the end of your post, that you got Jessie back. I do feel your pain. When my twins were 9 months old my son was 3 and getting out for something simple like milk, was a military operation, usually fraught with complications. It sometimes overwhelmed me but at the end of the day I realised that I’m only human and doing the best I can, as I’m sure you are too. This stage will pass.

    Posted by Dawn Frazier | November 20, 2013, 3:07 pm
    • Thanks so much for sharing your experience and your kind words. It’s hard being a mom of kids sometimes because while I can handle things, and laugh at myself, when it comes to harm of loved ones it’s a no win situation. The thing that makes me most upset his when he hurts his sisters or the dogs. You are right, we are only human, and as long as we do our best and love our kids that’s all we can do. 🙂

      Posted by Shannon | November 20, 2013, 3:52 pm
  4. Thank you so much for sharing this. The “real” posts are sometimes the hardest to write, owning the feelings we don’t like. From where I’m standing, you seem incredibly patient and doing the very best you can.

    Posted by Jillian Kuhlmann | November 26, 2013, 1:31 pm
    • Thanks so much! This is life and people need to know it’s not perfect. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others, but even when reading someone’s blog you have to remember you are reading what they want you to read, not necessarily the whole story. Parenting is tough sometimes, but if it wasn’t it wouldn’t be so rewarding. Thanks for stopping by.

      Posted by Shannon | November 26, 2013, 2:08 pm

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