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Mommy Musings: Thoughts and Opinions, PROJECT ME

The Biggest Side Effect of Pregnancy Is A Baby

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I know today is wordless Wednesday but after writing that post, I realized I have a confession to make today.

Every time I see a pregnant lady, or maybe one that is just fat but looks like she might be pregnant, or even a skinny girl who maybe just ate a big lunch, I get jealous. As soon as I see that baby bump, perhaps a little waddle in her step, something involuntary stirs inside me causing a slew of emotions to rage around my chest, and I can’t seem to stop it.

I would think most people would feel happy, excited, or even a little scared when they find out a family member, friend or colleague is pregnant.

Not me.

I feel jealous, bitter, and even a little angry. Even when it’s celebrities or strangers I don’t even know.

Why?

Because being pregnant was the best time of my life. I have been pregnant twice, and I would say they were both average pregnancies (except one was twins) and I LOVED it.

With my first pregnancy it was a little more complicated because I didn’t know what to expect, and I really wanted my new baby so I was a little more focused on the destination than the journey. But it was still wonderful.

But with the girls it was absolutely magical. Everyone around me said I glowed, and I did. And no, I am not mentally blocking out the morning sickness, carpal tunnel, knee issues, sleep issues, stretch marks… gosh, by the end I was a walking mess. But still, it was the most amazing time in my life, and I never wanted it to be over.

I love the attention you get when you are pregnant. I love that you can wear anything and look cute (and never worry about feeling fat). I love that I can eat without worrying about calories. I love showing how strong I am by carrying on like I am not pregnant, working and being active all with a huge belly. I love the anticipation of the new baby, the clothes, the toys etc. Always having company, the little baby in your belly to talk to and tickle, who kicks you and does somersaults to say thanks for the cookie.

I mean, come on, reproducing is, after all, what we are meant to do.

I love pregnancy so much that I wish I could be pregnant all the time. Heck, I even wish I could be pregnant with twins all the time!

But there is one tiny large problem.

Being pregnant means you are having a baby.

Since we are not planning on having any more children, that means I will never get to be preggers again.

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So, everytime I see a pregnant woman, I get jealous.

I feel like I am a terrible person, and I know I need to get over it, that this stage of my life is over. Yet, when I think of giving away my maternity clothes, I can’t do it. When I accidentally come across them while cleaning they bring a smile to my face. When I look at all my old belly pics, I get melancholy.

Being the scholar I am, I googled it, so I know that there are many more women out there who feel the same way. But in all my research, I could never find a “cure” for my affliction.

I know, it’s not that simple, but I really wish it was. Sometimes, I even wish I had hated pregnancy so I would never want to be pregnant again, but then I realize I would never want to trade those experiences, although fleeting, for anything.

So while I keep making excuses to myself for my horrible thoughts please feel free to share your experiences and insights in the comments section. No need to tell me I am crazy, I already know.

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About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

14 thoughts on “The Biggest Side Effect of Pregnancy Is A Baby

  1. Ever thought about being a gestational surrogate? I know we discussed Indian surrogates and my experiences as a traditional surrogate (used my eggs), but what about GS? Totally not “your” baby, and you still get to be pregnant. I have a lot of online friends who have done this and had no emotional repercussions!

    Posted by Lindsay | December 4, 2013, 7:54 pm
    • I did think about it for a bit since I could use the money, I love being pregnant and the best part I get to help someone in need. But I don’t think there is any way I could handle it emotionally, and even if I could I have a full time stressful job and a family to look after so going day after day for medical procedures just doesnt fit into my lifestyle. Plus, I am probably to old! Lol I really appreciate the suggestion though. Thanks so much for reading.

      Posted by Shannon | December 4, 2013, 8:59 pm
  2. I don’t think you’re crazy at all!

    Posted by Theresa | December 4, 2013, 8:40 pm
  3. Nope not crazy! I’m the same. I loved being pregnant but totally DONT want another baby. 😉

    Posted by linbritt | December 5, 2013, 1:33 am
    • Thanks! I actually really would like to have another baby as well at some point too though. It’s just that my husband doesn’t want any more and we can’t afford another one. I was hoping writing this article and getting it off my chest would help me learn to accept that there won’t be another one, and I do feel a little relief from it. Thanks for commenting and have a great day 🙂

      Posted by Shannon | December 5, 2013, 7:30 am
  4. I can totally relate – I loved being pregnant, it’s so special. I can’t handle when pregnant women complain to me that they want it to be over! It was a very quick 9 months for me, too quick.

    Posted by DrMummy | December 5, 2013, 7:34 am
  5. You are totally not alone!

    Posted by mommytrainingwheels | December 5, 2013, 7:39 am
  6. I’m quite the opposite. I want another baby but am terrified of another pregnancy because of how horrible my experiences have been. There were definitely things I loved about my pregnancies but overall, I think I’m set. :/

    Posted by Heather C | December 5, 2013, 11:45 am
    • Oh no, I do want another baby as well, but we can’t have any more :- ( and then it will be I just want to be pregnant lol. You are right every pregnancy is different and the twins were tough but they were my rainbow so couldnt stop smiling. If they were identicals like yours it might be a different post. Thanks for commenting Heather. I have been visiting your new site as well.

      Posted by Shannon | December 5, 2013, 12:00 pm

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