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Mommy Musings: Thoughts and Opinions, Top Tens/Lists

Why I Would Rather Give Birth Again Than Plan My Wedding

It’s funny how I keep forgetting that I am engaged now. Since we have been together so long and have three kids it’s not like it’s really on the top of my priority list. Still, I realize that at some point I am going to have to figure out this wedding thing.

We have discussed eloping to Vegas, a small local ceremony and everything in between.  Right now I am so lost and confused as to what I want out of my wedding I have just been avoiding the issue all together. That’s when I realized I would actually rather give birth again than plan this wedding! Here’s why:

1. At least after going through all the hard work of pregnancy and labour you have a baby to show for it. After the wedding I won’t have anything but some hazy memories and wedding pictures.

2. Healthcare in Ontario is free so it’s a heck of a lot cheaper to deliver a baby than it is to pay for a wedding.

3. When you are pregnant it’s all about you. People are nice to you, sympathize with what you are going through, and you get to decide what kind of delivery you want. So far it seems like this wedding is about everyone else BUT me, even though I am supposed to be the bride.

Wedding epidural anyone?

4. Yes, labour hurts like hell, but there’s medication for that.  There is no magic needle to alleviate the stress of planning a wedding.

5. You get lots of gifts whether you are having a baby or a wedding.  At least usually the baby items are at least things you can use.

6. Being pregnant you look great, have a glow, and get to eat what you want for nine months because you are eating for two.  With an impending wedding you are worried to do anything to your appearance that might ruin your wedding photos, not to mention you want to be slim, fit and sexy in that wedding dress even if it means living on coffee and nicotine.

7. After giving birth you get a year off work to be with your baby.  I doubt I will get any time off after getting married, but why would I want to spend time with my husband anyway?

8. After you give birth lots of people come to visit you.  They bring you food and drink and well wishes.  You are not responsible for planning a seating arrangement for them, and paying for a four-course meal and open bar.

9. People have pretty realistic expectations of you during labour and delivery.  Your goal is pretty much to get through it as best you can.  At a wedding on the other hand, you choose the wrong type of flowers, gown, or table cloths and you can be sure there will be snickering from someone.

10. Religion has nothing to do with giving birth (other than you might be screaming the lord’s name in pain during those contractions).

Okay.  That’s enough wedding talk, my head is already spinning! 

Share your thoughts.  If you planned a wedding how did you cope with it? Any advice?

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About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

32 thoughts on “Why I Would Rather Give Birth Again Than Plan My Wedding

  1. Advice? Try not to worry about it too much? It’s amazing how much the flower arrangements don’t matter in the long run. What will people remember? That the couple looked like they were in love and it was a friendly evening.

    Posted by Bronwyn Joy @ Journeys Of The Fabulist | January 13, 2014, 7:04 am
    • Thanks for the advice. There were a few weddings and new engagements over the holidays so that’s what brought it to my mind, but am not quite worried about it yet. I hope you are right because in my experience people (including me) seem to pay more attention to the couple and how much they are in love at larger more formal weddings, but at small weddings people seem to just treat it more like a party and forget about the bride and groom all together. If my parents could fly we would go to Vegas, have a kick ass time, end of story. Thanks so much for reading, and I really like your blog. I have only been on a plane once in my life (a couple of years ago for a work conference) so I can’t imagine how amazing it would be to get around. Cheers!

      Posted by Shannon | January 13, 2014, 7:17 am
  2. Lol! You sound a bit like me. Shopping for dresses was very much like ‘That’ll do’. I bought the second one I tried on and I still love it. Maybe I was just lucky. We had a small wedding outside Rome in Italy. There were only 17 of us, It was so intimate. I was surrounded by all the important people in my life and I had time to talk to them!

    Posted by Olivia FitzGerald | January 13, 2014, 7:30 am
  3. Haha, good luck with your wedding plans. I’m sure you’ll figure it out, though. Just be true to yourself, I guess. My partner and I are not married (or engaged for that matter) but we have talked about it and have decided on a few elements. We know that it’s going to be simple, very simple.

    Posted by mommytrainingwheels | January 13, 2014, 7:44 am
    • That’s what we said too, but it’s hard to do simple in a society bent on bigger is better. The word “wedding” is one of the most loaded words these days. Glad to know there are other unmarried couples out there. Good for you 🙂

      Posted by Shannon | January 13, 2014, 9:51 am
  4. I had a monster large wedding because for Lao people, you apparently have to invite the whole village and the surrounding 50 towns around it. My mom threatened me not to attend my wedding because I refused to give her more than 250 (!) invitations. I had to organize the whole thing remotely from London, UK while the wedding was taking place in France and organized it so that it reflected our couple’s dual heritage (French and Lao). It was messy; I yelled at everyone and my dress(es) designed by my cousin who lived in Paris were finished on me as I was almost walking down the aisle (true story) because I could not travel for late fittings…But so many fun and lovely memories. Had a blast (and lots to drink obviously 🙂 so my top tips include:
    – get a good photographer, it is a good investment and as you say that’s what you’ll keep for ever. But most importantly, it is always nice to see shots of people laughing or sharing a moment that you were not aware of because you were focused on not falling flat on your face most of the day because of crazy long dress
    – lots of booze
    -accept help and be nice to those who help you. Nobody will remember the little imperfections but you will always remember being a total bitch to your siblings because they ‘fucked up’ the hors d’oeuvres or the floral arrangements
    -go away after the wedding with your hubby even it is for a couple of days in a local hotel. I went straight back to work but I was a mess because the only thing I wanted to do is to be with DH to talk about all the moments we lived together during our wedding and our future life together

    Good luck!!!!

    Posted by redlipstickmama | January 13, 2014, 8:11 am
    • Wow! You are a super hero! I know many people that had to have huge weddings because it was part of their culture to do so. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and the tips. I really appreciate it, and I am sure other readers will too 🙂

      Posted by Shannon | January 13, 2014, 9:54 am
  5. Oh bummer, I know what you mean, planning a wedding is stressful and lame. But hopefully you can come up with something where you do feel like it’s about you and your husband, and then use it as an excuse to get the important people in your life together in one room to celebrate that.

    Posted by sparrow | January 13, 2014, 10:18 am
    • Thanks! I don’t think it’s lame, it’s just that after being together so long and having three kids we are at a point in our lives where it is not the priority it would be if it was 10 years ago if you know what I mean. Still, I suppose it will be worth it in the end…better be LOL. Thanks for reading.

      Posted by Shannon | January 13, 2014, 11:53 am
  6. Had a cousin who had a huge wedding then got divorced after 6 months. My husband and I went the Vegas route with about 10 guests and are still married after almost 13 years.

    Posted by Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth | January 13, 2014, 12:11 pm
  7. Aww, it will be fun! Make sure to plan it for you and your husband and kids. Everyone else will have fun if they share in your joy. If not, don’t worry about them.

    Posted by Christie Silver | January 13, 2014, 2:14 pm
  8. I also was not interested in most of the “wedding” stuff! We got engaged and married in less than five months. It was nice to not have to plan and think about it for very long. With all the Pinterest ‘perfect wedding’ stuff out there–so overwhelming! We are totally not fussy people and we didn’t have many people to invite anyway. We had like 25 people, and our ceremony was in Central Park (we lived in NYC at the time; our families flew out). The permit for that cost only $25! Then we did a late lunch reception–we had no DJ or dance floor, no fancy place settings or decor (I ‘designed’ some simple flower vases for the four or six tables–cost was less than $50 I think). I also only got my bouquet professionally done, and the moms put together the bridesmaid bouquets with materials from the flower district.

    I agree to make sure you find a really quality photographer! That ended up being almost a third of our very small budget, but it was totally worth it.

    Good luck – hope you figure out a plan that’s just right for you guys!

    Posted by Julie | January 13, 2014, 3:57 pm
    • Thank you so much for your comment. Sometimes I think I am the only one who feels that way. I think you are right, really the pictures are what you have to show for it so they should be good. Your wedding sounds like it was really nice (and affordable).

      Posted by Shannon | January 13, 2014, 4:44 pm
  9. Oh, weddings are really a busy affair. Some people love it, some people just go through it just so that they want it over and done with. I belong to in between. It’s fun to plan if you love planning, otherwise, I agree with you that baby is probably easier LOL! Anyway, if you treat it like a big party or big gathering of friends and family, aim for relax style, I think that’ll be enjoyable than to be stressed out with. Most people are accommodating and are really there to see the couple with well wishes.

    Posted by Christy @ kidsrsimple.com | January 13, 2014, 5:48 pm
  10. Thanks Shannon. It’s not exactly viral… like a million hits. But I am glad many find it good enough to share around 🙂

    Posted by Christy @ kidsrsimple.com | January 13, 2014, 7:16 pm
  11. I eloped. boy am i glad i did!

    Posted by journeyformybaby | January 14, 2014, 12:01 am
  12. Oh love it! great comparisons!!

    Posted by linbritt | January 14, 2014, 7:40 am
  13. I hated planning my wedding! I spent an unnatural amount of time worrying about how my in laws were feeling about us getting married outside instead of in a church. In the end we did what we wanted & got married outside. A lot of the wedding details I don’t remember 3.5 years later & I’m sure no one else remembers anything other than whether or not they had fun.

    What was most important to me were the pictures, so all my decisions were based on that or what we thought would make people have a better time (great DJ, open bar, delicious food, etc).

    After doing both giving birth & planning a wedding, I would say I definitely prefer having babies over weddings too!

    Posted by Christine | January 15, 2014, 9:00 pm

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