Advertisements
you're reading...
Ect., Mommy Musings: Thoughts and Opinions, Uncategorized

Say What You Want To Say and Be Brave

image

It’s funny.  I have the biggest mouth of anyone I know, and I love to talk, whether it’s to myself, one or two people or an auditorium full.  Yet, when it comes down to the really important stuff the words get caught up in my throat and I can never get them out, not to my family, my husband, anyone.

Of course, like anything, if you keep it inside and hold on too tight it will eventually cause you pain.  But since it seems like you have to get it out to start to let go, I get stuck.

Recently I heard this song by Sara Bareilles called Brave and it really moved me.  It’s almost like she was speaking to me, telling me that I should say what I want to say, and that its okay to say it because they are my words.  You can have a million fake identities in life, always trying to be the person you think people want you to be, but you can only have one true one.

I don’t know why it’s so hard sometimes to vocalize my emotions.  Am I afraid of being judged? Maybe.  Am I afraid of looking weak? Maybe.  Am I afraid of causing pain in others by sharing my feelings? Yes.  Do I feel awkward and embarrassed? Most definitely.

So, yesterday when my mother called me to tell me she had been diagnosed with cancer, I felt useless.  I had no words to say.  What do you say?  I know she needed me, it was up to me to help her feel better.  But I don’t know how I felt.  Plus, I was so scared of saying the wrong thing I just reverted to my old habit of not saying much at all.

For the first time I am publishing a post as an unfinished thought because I can’t finish it.  My mom has cancer and I have no idea what lies ahead.  I don’t know what to think or how to feel.  One minute I am fine, then I am sad, then I am angry, but really what I should be is helping her.  I keep thinking to myself how much I will regret it and hate myself if I don’t do everything I can now while I have the chance, but then when it comes down to it I always clam up and chicken out.

I am going to keep listening to the song and hoping things will get better.

Namste

Advertisements

About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

31 thoughts on “Say What You Want To Say and Be Brave

  1. I am so so sorry! Be supportive of your mom but make sure you have your own support system too (a sibling, spouse, friend, etc.) There’s nothing easy about cancer. My mom was diagnosed July 2010. It was the fight of her life. Please contact me if you need the extra support. Many hugs and thoughts for you and your family.

    Posted by Heather C | March 21, 2014, 8:20 am
  2. I love that song, and have been inspired by it several times recently. I relate, too, to being uncomfortable posting incomplete or inconclusive thoughts; I now am glad to see my progress through those. All that aside, what it want to say most is good luck finding your words here, or if you don’t . . . actions that will show your loving support just as well.

    Posted by Deborah the Closet Monster | March 21, 2014, 8:40 am
  3. Dear Shannon,
    My thoughts and prayers to you and your mom. Wish I knew what to say to make it easier, but I don’t…the experience hits close to home for me, too. I’ll be thinking of you, a forever fan if/when you need to vent. You’ve picked a great song and DO listen to it frequently. It makes me smile every time and I even wrote a little post on it a few months back.
    “Say what you want to say and just let the words fall out”…we’ll be here to hear them.
    Hugs!

    Posted by MamaMickTerry | March 21, 2014, 9:18 am
  4. Ouch. I’m so sorry to hear that Shannon. Best wishes to both you and your mom for figuring out how to deal… you’ll find a way.

    Posted by afineparent | March 21, 2014, 9:27 am
  5. Sorry to hear this Shannon…. I will be praying for you and your Mom.

    Posted by vrein11 | March 21, 2014, 10:01 am
  6. So sorry to hear. My thoughts are with you.

    Posted by Marissa Bergen | March 21, 2014, 11:10 am
  7. So sorry to hear about your mom. Sometimes, there really are no words.

    I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

    Posted by Mom Life Blue WifeJenny | March 21, 2014, 12:28 pm
  8. What a terrible blow… That’s so awful. Hang on there. You have the courage for this.
    My two penny advice- Tell your mom you love her. That alone will speak volumes about what you are feeling and going through… The rest will probably come on the go. And anyway, mothers Always KNOW!
    I pray for courage and strength for you. Also, a warm hug for your mom- for raising a splendid mom.

    Posted by nirupamaprv | March 21, 2014, 12:42 pm
  9. My father is a cancer survivor and I remember all to well how little I said when he first shared his news over a quick phone call. Don’t beat yourself up – it is not something that is easy to process, and that energy can be spent better elsewhere. I am confident that you will find a way to help in a way that is best for you and your family.

    Posted by apotts31 | March 21, 2014, 12:56 pm
  10. Thinking of you. Have been in this position so feel for you. If you can go give her a great big hug, that can equal a thousand words.

    Posted by Nicola Young | March 21, 2014, 2:38 pm
  11. Thinking of you Shannon. That’s terrible news 😦

    Posted by heidelightful | March 21, 2014, 4:20 pm
  12. I’m so sorry. When the time comes you will know the right thing to say. Sometimes is best to not say anything and let your mom use you as a sounding board for all that she is going through. Wishing you both the best.

    Posted by runningafterale | March 21, 2014, 4:41 pm
  13. So sorry about your mom s diagnosis; I am sure you will eventually know what you want to tell her. And perhaps it won’t be words but a hug or a laugh you share with her or a gentle look. I struggle to tell people I love them and one day I realized they knew I was like that and just me touching their shoulder was enough. I don’t know. I hope your blog will help you articulate words about what you are going through; I ll be listening xo

    Posted by redlipstickmama | March 22, 2014, 12:12 am
  14. Be brave sweetheart. Especially for you and your mother. Knowing about the pain of someone so close to us is unbearable. Take care.

    Posted by leenap23 | March 22, 2014, 3:18 am
  15. So sorry to hear about your Mom. This is a really great blog by a friend of mine who is now cancer-free: http://thisdoesnotdefineme1.blogspot.com/2013/03/first-day-of-spring-2013.html
    It is funny but also pretty informative. I totally understand about not knowing what to say when the big things come around. I can make small talk with a wall, but my tongue goes all funny when it comes to the tough stuff.

    Posted by thingsheatherlearnedtoday | April 1, 2014, 10:38 pm

Join my team. What do you have to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

How About Some Love?

Follow on Bloglovin