Lately I have been feeling somewhat disconnected from Daddy. Our conversations centre around chores and the kids, we get no time to ourselves, sex is like work, and I want to make it better. So being the little school girl I am I hit the net and self-help sections to find that magical book or website that would be my salvation.
Oh. That’s the sound of me, hitting my head against the wall. While there is more than enough information out there I could not seem to find anything that relates to me or our situation.
1. We have been together close to 10 years (i.e.. novelty is long gone)
2. We both work full-time.
3. We both work opposite schedules (so that there is always someone to watch the kids).
4. We have three young children.
You would be amazed at how frustrated I quickly became reading article after article that started off promising but quickly became unadaptable to my situation.
For example, so many articles talk about keeping your relationship strong by spending time together, watching a movie on the couch together or even just eating dinner together. Well, no, no and no. None of those are viable options!
Working on the Relationship
Most of the information I have read has a common thread: you need to invest time and energy into your relationship. That’s great advice, and I agree with it whole heartedly. But no article can tell me where exactly I am supposed to get that time or energy when I am stretched thin and exhausted as it is. It takes everything I have to give and more to care for the kids, the animals, do my job, try to squeeze in time for myself, when the heck to I find time to work on the relationship? The time I am currently using is reading on my phone on my break or during transit!
Then there is the sex advice. Some people say schedule sex, other’s say to avoid it. Is it the quality or the quantity that matters? I will be honest. There are only two possible days a week when we could even do it, if we are both not too tired, and let’s face it, it is anything but romantic. Especially for me. I am a very spontaneous person and when I am in the mood I am and when I am not I am not. Since my energy level dramatically drops as the day wears on (I am a morning person) but the time all the kids are in bed at 10pm I am ready for bed myself. I am barely awake never mind feeling sexy. And then there is the pressure. Well, if we don’t to something it will be a whole week before we can again.
Ugh, that word makes me cringe. It’s great. I’d love one. But nope that is just not an option right now.
Communication is definitely important in a relationship, but again it’s the how to I am lost on. Most of our communication is done via text message or calls on our lunch breaks, neither of which are good times to be talking about important topics. Thus we rarely get to talk about important things and maybe spend too much time talking about the unimportant ones (please remember to take the garbage…)
Get Out of the Rut
I listened to a few experts talk about how humans like spontaneity. We are hard-wired to be attracted to new so when you are in a long-term relationship we get bored. Yet, while I agree with this wholeheartedly, how are you supposed to mix it up when you have three little ones? You can just have sex in the middle of the day, or pop out to see a movie, or even just go for a quiet walk together. Everything is an undertaking. Even though I am a pretty laid back parent and will often dash out with the kids with nothing more than an extra diaper in my purse, it’s still a lot of work!
Perhaps I am just making excuses? I mean, overall we are in a happy relationship, and I love Daddy with all my heart. I am so lucky to have found someone who is easy to be with and who loves me so much.
But at the same time, I want to make sure we stay in love.
Perhaps I am upset because all this advice is just telling me what I already know?
I mean come on, most of this is common sense.
Or maybe it’s just that having kids doomed our relationship? Of course I don’t think this but they have taken away all my free time and money, my body, and of course my coveted independence. They are the reason we never see each other since it’s their care that dictates our schedules and the reason why we don’t have couple fun (luckily we do have family fun).
So there’s my rant for the day. If you have any advice for me feel free to share it in the comments section. OR if you are the lucky one who knows of a book, website, article that I would find useful (actually applies to my I suppose unique situation) please do let me know because Google has been less than forthcoming.
Have a Sexy Saturday!