Last night was not a great night for me. I was exhausted and as I lay on the floor playing with the kids I almost felt myself dozing off. Of course, as I was trying to give some quality time to Sawyer the twins got into their usual mischief. By the time I finally got the girls to bed at 9:00pm (that’s right, that is the earliest I can get them to bed without them waking up at 6am leaving hubs with only four hours sleep) the place was trashed.
This weekend I am taking hubs out for a night to celebrate his (belated) birthday. The past several years we have not done anything and I felt it was time. Since his sister was kind enough to offer to babysit and my idea was in keeping with our new philosophy of experiences over material posessions it was a go.
Long story short, since we have babysitters coming on Saturday I had to try to make sure the house was in good shape. For the past three days I have gone through magic erasers scrubbing the walls, cleaned the bathrooms, fridge, tried to get ahead on the laundry, got gas and groceries etc. However last night as I stood there so tired I could cry and saw that the house was trashed and that it was the night to scrub the sofa I wanted to curl up in the fetal position. I spend the next hour cleaning, vaccumming, washing the couch and called hubs to complain about it. Unfortunately, he was just as tired as I was so we tried to avoid the conversation rather than start a fight. The moral was I felt like I was doing everything on my own to get ready for this trip and I didn’t like it.
This morning, in the light of day I had a realization. I have been going about this all wrong. Instead of looking at it like I have three little mess makers at home why not turn things around into three little cleaners? It’s funny, when Sawyer was little he helped clean and do dishes etc. Over time I have just taken to doing everything myself because on the surface it seems like less work to just pick up his toys than to fight with him for an hour about picking them up. Usually what ends up happening is I get so frustrated I just want to throw everything in the garbage and it’s not his fault. I am his teacher, his mentor, and it’s up to me to communicate what the acceptable behavior is.
A couple of months ago I had spoken with him about the idea of an allowance. Every time we go to Dollarama, Science Centre or the Superstore he usually wants a new dinosaur. They are not expensive but I don’t think he needs a new dino every day. So I thought by giving him an allowance it would allow him to decide when and what he would like to buy and learn the value of money. With this in mind, I have decided it’s time to set up some chores for him with the reward of an allowance. The impulse purchasing sponsored by me ends and his learning valuable lessons begins.
Speaking of lessons, that was sort of another epiphany I had. He goes to full time kindergarten and I leave most of his education in their hands. Obviously I try to reinforce his learning at home and encourage him by reading to him and providing him with art supplies etc. But what I have neglected to realize is that there are many more important lessons in life that it is my job to teach him, that I have not explicitly been teaching him. I mean, of course the first way you teach something is by modelling the behavior yourself and yes, I do that. However, now that he is four and a half I realize that he has the capability of learning lessons through words, teaching, and stories and that I want to pass on this knowledge to him. Knowledge of how to be a good person, know right from wrong, to learn to help others and to not be greedy or selfish. So this too, is something new I am planning to undertake. Not only do I hope to help him (and the girls) I am also hoping to help myself. Lately I have been so internally focused on my own needs and problems I have become a shut in, my own mind being my cage. Now that I am awakened to the situation I am going to do something about it.
Lately I have been going through some personal turmoil. Okay, I lot of personal turmoil. Even worse is that I feel guilty for being upset because I am so blessed and literally have nothing wrong with my life except this one problem. It is a vicious cycle and rather than trying to find the solution I realize what I need to focus on is finding peace in my heart. I will never be able to control life but I can control the way I react to it and so I am going to try.
Sorry today’s post is a bit of a messy ramble but to be honest my mind is literally swimming with ideas right now and well, with me what you see is what you get. I am hoping to write some great posts regarding some of my initiatives, and of course the impending potty training of twins (yikes) which is an added bonus since I haven’t been publicly blogging for a while. In the meantime, I am going to try to create some action plans and of course give hubs a good birthday night out this weekend. I hope you all have a great weekend and thanks for reading.