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Mommy Musings: Thoughts and Opinions, PROJECT ME, Sexy Saturdays

Communication with your partner: how much is too much?

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I agree that good communication is the key to a strong relationship. But when everyone seems to have differing opinions, how much is too much?

So, if you read my article the other day about the lady bug you will know that after a couple of drinks hubs and I (as usual) got into a fight. Why? Well because with nothing to hold our tongues in place we started saying things we probably wouldn’t have said if we were sober. Which brings me to the issue what do you share and what do you keep to yourself?

I have read that you should not keep secrets from your partner. After all, they are your partner and you should be able to share everything with them right? Then I have also read that you should keep negativity to yourself because no one like to be weighed down with someone else’s issues. Honestly, it is such a fine line.

Maybe part of the problem for me is that I have no close friends to confide in or talk to about certain things. Mind you there are those who would say that you shouldn’t be talking about things with your friends that you can’t discuss with your husband.

Both hubs and me are very closed people in a sense. He is just very closed. I have a yellow personality which means I need to tell everyone everything to feel validated. Since I often feel like I can’t talk to him about things I just bottle it up and since that is totally against my personality I feel worse. I want, no I need someone to talk to. At the same time, a lot of it could be minor things that maybe I do just need to let go and there is no need to bother hubs with them.

I was also of the opinion that you shouldn’t tell someone something strictly because it will make you feel better even if it might make you feel better. For example, say I had health issues. Since there is nothing I or anyone can do can do about it (and I am not dying) how would telling my partner help the situation? It would just make him worry and feel bad so I choose to keep it to myself. But, at the same time, if hubs were having issues I would want him to tell me so I could be there for support so again what is the right thing to do?

We have been together nine years and I want to keep our relationship strong and healthy but yet I struggle every time I go to open my mouth. I can’t help but feeling this is not normal. I am sure it’s due in part to our opposite personalities, but still sometimes I wish he was more like a friend I could confide in and tell anything to rather having to censor my life. Admittedly, I am a pretty messed up person and probably no one could handle all that crazy LOL I often thought I would never meet anyone because, well, who could put up with that stuff?!? So believe me when I saw how thankful I am for him and for our family. And in the meantime I can tell the dogs anything and they will always listen and give me a kiss afterwards 😉

So, opinions anyone? How do you deal with communication in your relationship? Do you have an tips or tricks for me?  Please comment below and share your best practices with others.

 

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About Shannon

I am a university educated full-time working mother of four children. Proudly Canadian, I freeze my butt off along with my loving partner, two dogs and a cat. I hope you enjoy reading my posts as much as I love writing them, but if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “Communication with your partner: how much is too much?

  1. my husband and I tell each other everything… we had to work towards it, but we share the negative too. He is my partner, as I am his and I feel like we should be there to support one another through the good and the bad. Sometimes it means we argue, but mostly we accept we have differing opinions and move on. One thing that I find really helps for us is we got rid of the accusatory words and take ownership for our thoughts/feelings (‘I feel like you aren’t hearing me’ instead of ‘you aren’t listening to me’)
    I think every couple is going to find the rhythm and communication that works best for their unique relationship, I think feeling supported is key! Good Luck 🙂

    Posted by MommaNeedsCoffee | January 22, 2015, 7:39 am
    • Thanks for sharing. Its weird because we have been together over nine years so we somehow make it work. I do realize that what works for some couples doesnt work for others. Its great that you share everything. Not sure that would work for us. I suppose i always have blogging lol. Have a great day.

      Posted by Shannon | January 22, 2015, 7:44 am
  2. My husband IS my best friend. We were close friends before we even started dating. He knows everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. I can’t imagine going through my health stuff right now without him knowing about it. There is nothing we don’t say to each other but with that said, we are smart about timing. Neither of us drink so sober is good but we avoid busy times, sick times, stressful times, etc for the more negative type talks. We argue plenty but we both have to turn on our empathy and be willing to compromise. We get there by talking it all out. 🙂

    Posted by Princess Mommy | January 23, 2015, 8:01 am

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